Girlfriend - Boyfriend
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Is dating allowed in Islam? Can one have a girlfriend or boyfriend?
It is Haraam (strictly prohibited) for a boy to have a girlfriend and for a girl to have a boyfriend.
Any type of contact including dating between a Ghayr Mahram (not prohibited in marriage) male and female without a valid Shar’ee excuse falls in the category of Zina (adultery) which is a major sin and incurs the wrath and anger of Allah Ta’ala upon the individual.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
I am proposed and not done Nikah yet, please tell me if it is allowed to speak to my fiance over the phone and/or chat through the internet or by sending sms.
To keep contact with your fiancé (future wife) by phone, sms, email or any other way is totally prohibited in the Shari’ah.
Chatting on the internet is similar to speaking on the telephone. It is not permissible for male or female to speak on the telephone to the opposite gender who is a Ghayr Mahram (not prohibited in marriage) freely and without necessity. If there is a genuine need which is valid in Shari’ah, then members of the opposite gender may speak through the telephone with modesty and confine the discussion to the need.
To speak freely and beyond necessity is a sin. The same rule applies for chatting on the internet. No person should decide him/herself what is a valid reason in Shari’ah to speak on the phone or chat on the internet. Many people have their own interpretations of genuine need which is not acceptable in Shari’ah. We are aware of many such people who have caused ruin to their lives especially by chatting on the internet with the opposite gender.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
What does Islam have to say about girlfriends? Is it OK if you have a girlfriend but do not have a physical relationship?
In Islam, love, as is in the western culture, is prohibited. The negative
consequences of such love are abundantly clear. Among other evils, some are
adultery, rape, abortion, etc.
Many young girls have ruined their future by having a child and are
compelled to bring up the child as a singular parent. In many instances,
even without the support of her 'lover'. If by 'love', inclination to marry
is meant, then obviously, inclination and compatibility are necessary
factors to maintain a harmonious marriage.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Where in Quran does it say that boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is forbidden, including that they do nothing wrong?
Consider the following injunctions of the noble Qur'aan:
1. Lowering the gaze
2. Hijaab
3. Women staying in the confines of her home
4. Prohibiting women speaking in an alluring tone
The above injunctions from the noble Qur'aan are sufficient to explain the prohibition of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
What is the concept of engagement in islam?
You ask about the concept of engagement in Islam. There is no precept for this in the sunnah. Once a young man's/woman's match is found and they are found to be suitable for marriage, then the nikah must be performed. Interaction between a non-mahram man/woman are not acceptable in Islam. There is no point in having a prolonged engagement, it is better to perform the nikah and the young couple can interact in a 'halal' atmosphere.
If a young lady is interested in Islam, the best approach is to introduce her to other sisters who have sufficient knowledge of the practical aspects so that they can teach her. They can also hand her whatever literature, teach her to read Quran, perform salaah etc.Seeing that you have a problem with your nafs, ( porn) it is most certainly contra-indicated that you have any dealings with her. It is best for her to learn Islam from a woman. It is best that you avoid all direct contact with her and deal with her through your sisters.
What rights does engagement confer on a fiance or fiancee?
Shari'ah does not recognise contemporary forms of engagements where
exorbitant amounts of monies is spent on the occasion. However, the
angagement is a confirmation to marry. At that stage, theboy and girl are
still strangers to one another in that they cannot communicate with one
another.
The premarital outings after the engagement is strictly prohibited in Shari'
ah. Often, such engagements break up leaving a devastating effect on the
parties and in particular, the 'used' fiancée.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Is it permissable to have engagements if it is held within the context of the shariah?
If by engagement, confirmation to marry is meant, that is in order.
However, the general concept of engagement which resembles a mini-marriage has no basis in Islam. Such a custom is against the spirit of simplicity in Islam.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Can a boy and girl still get married if they they got physical without nikkah?
1. It will be permissible for them to marry each other if there are no Shar’i restrictions preventing them from this marriage, rather it would be better if they do so.
2. Firstly they should sincerely repent to the Almighty Allah for their wrongdoing. Secondly, although no particular type or amount of Kaffaarah is specified for this wrongdoing, they should discharge some amount of Sadaqah in expiation for this wrongdoing which will hopefully lighten the load of the sin earned through it.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Is marrying into first cousins Islamically disliked?
Marriage to first cousins is permissible. The belief that marriage to first cousins is disliked is incorrect.
And Allah Ta'ala knows best
Is it a sin to get married without the knowledge of parents in case if they are not agreed upon?
Nikah is a personal and individual right whereby every sane adult is permitted to make his or her own decision as far as choosing the marriage partner is concerned.
An adult does not require the consent of his or her parents for the Nikah. Yes, if a woman marries in a lower class, her guardian reserves the right to terminate the Nikah. However, it is best to inform the parents and get their Du’aas for a successful and blissful marriage.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
After nikah only, can we touch each other?
The concept of Nikah now and rukhsati (wife going to live with husband) later falls in the category of a promise. The boy essentially agrees to exercise restraint in his marital rights until rukhsati.
If the boy did not agree to this, then the Nikah would not be performed. In essence, rukhsati is to defer intimacy until the rukhsati. The husband should keep up to his promise and not be intimate with his wife before the rukhsati. Allah states, ‘O you who believe, fulfil your promises.’ However, if the wife forfeits her right of deferring intimacy until rukhsati, then it is permissible for the husband to be intimate with his wife. The same ruling applies to intimate discussions. The wife has a right to claim her Mahr before submitting herself to her husband.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
What are the basic rights of a husband and wife? Please provide the references from Quran and the Hadeeth.
NIKAH
Husband's Obligations
Have you ever pondered over the Khutbah which the Imaam recited to you
before you enthusiastically uttered 'Nakahtuhaa Wa Qabiltuhaa Wa
Tazawwajtuhaa?'
Let me help you and shed some light over this contract which you have made
yourself party to, that is 'The Nikah Contract'. The Imaam recited to you
three verses from the Noble Qurãn:
Surah Nissa (4) verse 1
O Mankind Fear your guardian Lord who created you from a single soul, and He
created from it its mate and from them He scattered many men and women.
Surah Aale Imraan (3) verse 102
O Ye who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared and die not except in a
state of Islam.
Surah Ahzaab (33) verse 70
O Ye who believe. Fear Allah and make your utterances straight.
TAQWA
The common element in each of these verses is the Arabic word 'Taqwa' (God
Consciousness). In these verses you are reminded to fear Allah Taãla in the
manner you treat the lady you are taking as your wife. There is no one to
see the way you conduct yourself within your home. Let the fact and belief
that Allah is watching guide you in your treatment of the woman you have
made your wife by granting her the respect and dignity she deserves.
You have brought somebody's daughter into your own home. She left her
family, her friends, close associates and in many cases even the town that
she grew up in and she came to a strange environment just to share the rest
of her life with you. Was she handed over to you to be a target of your
physical and verbal abuse?
The Prophet (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam) is reported to have said in
connection with the treatment of animals: 'Fear Allah in your treatment of
these animals who cannot speak.' If this was his concern for the animals,
how tremendously greater would his concern have been for humans; therefore,
can you imagine what his reaction would have been to the wife battering that
takes place nowadays?
What then are the most important ingredients of a happy marriage? Allah
Taãla says in Surah Roum (30) verse 21.
'And from amongst His signs is that He created for you from amongst
yourselves partners, that you may live in tranquility with them, and He has
created love and mercy between you. Verily in that are signs for those who
reflect.'
It is this love and mercy that strengthens the bond of marriage. The ability
to overlook each other's faults goes a long way in cementing the
relationship. Once a man came to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam)
and said, 'O Allah's messenger, how many times should I forgive the wrongs
of my slaves.' The Prophet (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam) replied, 'Forgive
them seventy times a day.' If a worker is entitled to so much of compassion
what about your lifelong companion?
BEST OF YOU
Today, we are very courteous to our clients, appreciative to our colleagues
and cheerful to our friends. Unfortunately this warmth is not extended to
the poor wife who is most deserving of this courtesy and charm. The Prophet
(Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam) is reported to have said, 'The most complete
of believers in faith are those who are best in character. The best of you
are those who are best to their wives.' (Mishkat)
Every person has shortcomings. It is therefore quite natural to find this in
your partner. The Prophet (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam) has advised us to
take pleasure in the good and overlook the bad. Have you ever spared the
thought that there may be so many habits which you possess that may be
bringing grief to your wife? She may have been patiently bearing it not
wanting to hurt your feelings.
Let us go back and fulfil the demands of this contract.
TREAT YOUR WIFE AS YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR SON-IN-LAW TO TREAT YOUR DAUGHTER.
NIKAH
Wife's obligation
Many prospective wives seem to have their hopes dashed after they enter into
the contract of marriage. Once the honeymoon is over, suddenly things are
not so rosy any more, and the reality of married life seems to be a far cry
from the Haraam movies which many have been watching or the novels which end up with 'and they lived happily ever after'. In a world where it has become
fashionable to engage in immoral activities and illicit relationships, it is
becoming increasingly difficult to convince people that marriage is an
important component of a pure society.
What guidelines does the Shariáh give the wife to help cement the
relationship between herself and her husband?
The Qurãn in Surah Shuáraa (v74), describes the prayer of the pious in the
following manner: 'Oh our lord! Grant us wives and offspring who will be the
joy and comfort of our eyes.' The explanation of the above verse is clearly
illustrated in the beautiful words of Nabi (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam) (as
narrated by ibn Abbaas) 'The best woman (wife) is the one whom, when you
look at her she pleases you, when you command her she obeys you, when you
are not in her presence she safeguards herself and your belongings.'
Today, the wife adorns herself for weddings and other social events,
beautifying herself to attract the attention of everyone else besides the
one who is most important in her life. The husband comes home tired from
work, only to find his wife shabbily dressed, too glued to the drama on TV
to even reply to the Salaam of her husband. Meal times and other household
duties are dictated by the box. The children are sent away to their rooms
with the words 'Go to your room and read your Qurãn - or finish up your
homework.' These words, mind you, are not uttered because of some great
concern for the child's education; in fact it is only mentioned to get them
out of the way.
Remember! Your children may not do what you ask them to do, but they very
often do what they see you do. What kind of example are we setting for these
impressionable young minds?
Unrealistic demands made by the wife do not help much to strengthen the
marital bond. Being dictated by fashion and the way the people next door are
living, the wife forces the husband to beg and borrow just to keep up with
the Jones's. 'If your brother's wife can have it, then why can't I?' 'Well
your sister has it in her house.' Comparing ourselves with those who have
more than us does not help to relieve tension between husband and wife. The
words of Nabi (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam) beautifully explain:
'Look at those who have less than you, do not look at those who have more
than you, (if you do so) then you are more likely to appreciate Allah's
favours upon you.'
If a man had to choose a wife according to the guidelines given by
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam), what kind of a person was he to
look for? The Hadith states: 'A woman is married for four (things); her
wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So choose (marry)
the religious woman, otherwise you will be a loser.'
The most important quality of the wife is consciousness of her Islamic
responsibilities. How Deeni conscious are you? How supportive are you of
your husband when he is engaged in Deeni activities? Are you preventing him
from serving humanity?
The Qurãn in Surah Rum (v21) explains the purpose of marriage as a source of
comfort for both partners. No one has married 'Mr Perfect' and no one is
perfect! Are you making the environment in the home conducive to living in
peace and harmony or does your husband feel that he rather be at work than
at home with you?
What degree of obedience does the Shariáh command the wife to have for her
husband? A Hadith of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ÃÂlayhi Wasallam) explains, 'If
I had to command anyone to prostrate to somebody, I would have commanded the
wife to prostrate before her husband.' However, if your husband commands you
to do something against the Shariáh you do not have to obey him.
If the objectives of both husband and wife are to please Allah, the couple
will find more common ground on which to build the relationship.
Ya Allah meri Tobah.. Ya Allah meri Tobah.. Ya Allah meri Tobah...
In the eyes of Allah, its never too late for Tobah. Allah is very Raheem. So don't just think that you have already done so many sins and that now its too late. Thanks to Allah, you are alive and you still have time for Tobah, and even if now you do Tobah from the bottom of your heart, Allah would inshAllah forgive you and you will be saved.
say TOBAH TOBAH TOBAH from the bottom of your heart now and save yourself.
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